Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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