sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
