You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
