I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
