I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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