I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Watching her eat just hurts me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
