You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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