why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
