do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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