I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
