I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
