Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
