Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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