what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize