I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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