I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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