I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
