I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
