just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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