We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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