I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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