could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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