Will you blow on my dice?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
