someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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