I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
