someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
