The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You are a genius and a whore.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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