I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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