I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
