I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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