You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
