That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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