she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
