just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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