put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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