I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
