someone threw a dead crab at me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
