nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
