he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
