He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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