i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
