Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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