You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
