my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize