4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
