I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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