i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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