I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize