I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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