gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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