what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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