last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
