There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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