It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
