Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
