the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
