you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
