i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
