i think my mom watched the whole time
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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