I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
