I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
