they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
