insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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