Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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